The courage of her convictions

"I'm taking the risk with my life and I'm taking the risk of facing the dangers in my country because I believe that all the children of Pakistan are as dear to me as my own children. I want to see the children of Pakistan begetted a better future than the children of my generation were."-B. Bhutto 11/10/07 on CNN

Harvard educated and two-time prime minster of Pakistan Benazir Bhutto was assassinated yesterday. She returned from exile, not with a lust for power, but with a desire to do what she could to improve the plight of her people. Her return was met with great joy. A motorcade that took her from the airport to her home (usually a 1/2 hour trip)took over 10 hours as the crowds thronged about her. That motorcade was also marred by violence, when a bomb explosion killed 130+ people. After that incident someone asked her why she didn't just take a heliocopter from the airport to her home, for security reasons. She replied that if she did that, then the terrorists by threatening violence, set the agenda and take over nations and destroy the quality of life of the people. That was not why she returned to Pakistan. I'm in awe of this woman and the courage she exhibited. I pray that her death is not in vain.


"What I'm doing is for a good cause and for a right cause, to save Pakistan from extremists and militants, to build regional security. I know the dangers are there but I'm prepared to take those risks." -B. Bhutto 9/26/07 on CNN

No one who knows me will be surprised

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (26%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (70%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven.



Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.

Overall you appear to be Left Brain Dominant

I have the best boss....

I've said it before and I'll say it again. My boss rocks!
He's been great about letting me work around my school schedule and he is very understanding about kids and childcare issues too. He's still recovering from that very bad infection in his arm, so keep sending those prayers/good thoughts his way.
Today after going to the doctor he brought this back to the office for me:



It had six beautiful steaks, two bottles of wine, two kinds of cheese and nuts, too!
It is so nice to be appreciated.

Worth Repeating

believe what u know
inside 2 b true
follow ur gut
focus

--Rosie O'Donnell

Well, I did it

I signed up for the LSAT. I even bought this book to study for it. I have always wanted to go to law school. I guess now I'll find out if I've got what it takes.

I've heard of Christmas in July....

But not the 4th of July in December, until this weekend. Whoa!


When I look in her eyes
It aint no surprise
Sparks start a flyin like the 4th of July

She gets me so hot, my heart starts a pumpin
When we get to kissin, there aint no stoppin'

When it comes to love
She aint no slacker
My little darlin is a firecracker

When I light the fuse
I gotta get back quick
You gotta be careful with a dynamite stick

Son of a gun she fun to handle
And she packs a punch like a roman candle
She a pack of black cats in a red paper wrapper
My little darlin is a firecracker

Chorus:
We might not ought to take a roll in the hay
Cause we'd burn the barn down one of these days
Were a match made in heaven
And it aint no joke.
But Id sure I hate to see it go up in smoke

We got a good thing going
And it feels so right
Shes a firecracker
Shes the light of my life.






My beautiful S is on her way back home. We had a great weekend together. We managed to get out to a holiday concert at a local university, even though the weather was crappy and cold. My sweet Georgia peach does not do Ohio winter weather AT. ALL. . My sweetie was delighted with her $5. present from P's Santa store at school, and chided me for spending money on jewelery for her (the earrings are going back). I did help her with some things she needed for her internship, but dang I love to see her face when she sees that little box. It's always hard the last day because it hurts so bad to say goodbye. After a weekend of joy and tears, it's hard to adjust back to "normal". "Normal" is so wrong without S beside me.

Yellow Belt

We had another big event this weekend. P is officially a yellow belt in Tae Kwan Do! He took his test Monday night and he had to break a board and everything.I was so proud watching him do his forms and defenses. He's only been taking Tae Kwan Do for about 8 weeks and he is really doing well. He did an awesome job. I'm so proud of him and I think Tae Kwan Do is a great thing for kids!

It's Holiday Time!

You know it's Christmas time when your already busy schedule cranks it up a notch.
Even though I have no classes right now, I've been busy every night. Concerts, baking, and all kinds of fun stuff going on.
The best part of all-- S is coming to town on Saturday! (No, not SANTA, my sweetie)
I CAN'T WAIT!

The Greatest Generation

Lost another member this week.
Just home from the calling hours for Bob B.,aka "Buckeye" Bob.
He was my high school best friend's Dad. He served in WWII - A Seabee in the Pacifc Theatre. He built runways and
holding areas for the Enola Gay and watched it take off on its historic mission.
He was awarded the bronze star for his service.

For Bob, anything after what he'd been through in the war was a bonus. I don't think I've ever met anyone who was as optimistic and happy all the time. He lived by the Seabees famous motto: "Can Do!"

He loved sports, especially the Buckeyes. I walked up to the casket to pay my respects before leaving, and saw that one of his grandkids had put a brand new baseball in the casket with him.
RIP, Buckeye Bob.

WooWho!!!!

S got the internship! It's for a national financial services firm. This particular office only deals with high net worth clients. She went in there and knocked their socks off. It's unpaid, but the experience (and the resume entry) are worth lots! Good job honey!

My Boss is sick

Please send good thoughts/prayers for my boss.
He was out of town in trial all week. He didn't feel good when he left, and he
went to court every day instead of going to the Doctor. Finally on Thursday afternoon the trial was over and he went to the emergency room. He has a bacterial infection in his arm. He was admitted to the hospital and he's still there. On Friday he thought he'd be home this weeknend. I talked to him today and he said now it's going to be at least Tuesday. He's a very healthy, active man, but he is older so I am worried.

Sunday misc.

Sunday is usually not a good day around here. When I get the chance I like to go to church, where I have a few friends and a wonderful pastor that is supportive. This weekend I have too much schoolwork to do. These two intersession courses have all my attention this weekend.

S is going to church today with her stbx and kids as well as her Mom and Step dad. S doesn't like church anymore. I hope she enjoys the kids program today, that's why she's going. I hope her Mom and the stbx don't ruin it for her.

I'm so proud of S! She called this week about an internship at one of the major brokerages in her town. Keep your fingers crossed everybody, that S gets her chance to shine for them.

Buckeye fans everywhere are happy that Trop's Pitt Panthers beat up on my Mountaineers. Oklahoma beat up on Mizzou, so who knows what the BCS gods will make of the national title picture now? I'd say it's a Picasso, all abstract with all the facial features missing or in the wrong place, lol.

Mom, I wish you could see this:

76039 COMS 215 M01 ARGUMENT ANALY & ADVOCACY 4.0 A 16.0000

58902 COMS 304 OO1 INTERVIEWING 4.0 A 16.0000

58904 COMS 421 OO1 INSTRUCT TRNG & DVLP COMM 4.0 A 16.0000

76045 CTCH 125 M02 INTRODUCTION TO COMPUTERS 4.0 A 16.0000

Hours Hours Grade
Attempted Earned Points GPA
Term Undergraduate..........: 16.0 16.0 64.0000 4.000
Accumulative Undergraduate..: 32.0 176.0 122.6800 3.833

Congratulations! You have made the Dean's list for this quarter.

I still miss you.

Happy Thanksgiving 2007

Yeah, I know, I'm a little early. I had to celebrate with the boys tonight because they will be with their Dad from Wednesday evening to Sunday evening.
I wasn't really planning on cooking a "Thanksgiving" meal, because I knew they were going to have a big deal with their Dad and Grandparents on Thursday. Last night ds #1 says "When are we having Thanksgiving with you, Mom?" I guess I needed to cook some turkey after all.

So, today, after working till 2 and taking a final from 3-5, ds #2 and I flew through the grocery store and this is what we came up with:



We had turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, homemade stuffing, crescent rolls and those sweet potatoes that Syd couldn't even get the animals to eat at her house, lol. DS #1 loves-em and he even makes them, so they are on the menu at our house. Yep- it was a regular carb-fest, I sat down at the table before I realized I had forgotten the green beans.
Here are two of my favorite people in the whole world, and two that make me very thankful:



We topped it off (the boys did, I was waaay too full) with oreo cream pie and apple pie with cool whip. They loved our "Thanksgiving Feast". Thankfully for me they aren't too particular, although I have to say that shopping to eating start to finish in 2 1/2 hours isnt too bad!

I thought I was smart-

Then I checked S's blog....

I have said all along she's my better half. I'm not smarter, but I'm smart enough to know she's the best thing that ever happend to me!

Big fish in little ponds

I attend a branch campus of a major state university. Well, not even a branch actually, more like a twig! Two buildings in a suburban office complex and shared faculty with a larger branch campus about thirty miles away. Anyway, the administrator in charge of this campus is very aware of her authority, and wants everyone else to be too. She taught a course this quarter in the classroom next to my Monday night class. Anytime we made any noise, if we laughed or anything, she'd come over and stand in the doorway and scowl.
I was on campus yesterday taking a final and when I was done I was sitting in the office talking to a classmate who works there. This administrator comes in and says "This doesn't sound like a work related conversation" I felt like saying, yeah that's cause it's NOT. I don't work there, thank God, because I can see how that woman could suck out your will to live really quick. Heaven forbid you might actually ENJOY coming to work. I've only been there two nights a week for two quarters and even I have figured out that this woman is a total Be-yotch. I feel for the people that actually have to work with her.

Live it up!

Here's how I've spent my million so far:

My Sweetheart came to see me....

We had the best weekend! So good in fact, that when it was time to go home yesterday, S decided to stay another night!

She got here Saturday morning. The kids and I drove about an hour to pick her up at the airport. DD #1 was her usual cheery self. The boys were fine. We stopped and ate breakfast on the way home and then just ran the big kids around to their weekend activities. DD #1 managed to stay gone most of the weekend, as has been her habit lately when she is supposed to be with me.

Sunday afternoon, DD#1 made herself scarce. S & I took the boys to see the Lady Buckeyes basketball game. My boss gave me two tickets, so we just had to pay for the boys. We had great seats and the boys got to shoot a couple layups on the court after the game. They thought that was great.

Monday evening we went to my daughters marching band concert. We sat on the bleachers right in front of where she stood in formation and if looks could kill I'd definately be dead right now. She is so hateful and cold to me. I know it's coming but it still hurts.

This was such a wonderful trip. We had a great time together and we got to have the kids around, which is something we haven't been able to do in a long, long time. The boys seemed to like having S around and had fun with her. P even wrote about S in his "weekend update" at school. He wrote "my friend from GA came to visit for the weekend". God, I love that boy.

C-R-A-Z-Y week

It sure has been hectic around here.

In my Monday night class my group gave our 90 minute presentation. We used a "Fear Factor" theme and had a couple fun games, a couple of fun clips to demonstrate
"Communication Apprehension", which was our topic. We just tried to have fun with it. I didn't feel as prepared as I wanted to be for the PowerPoint presentation, but we all got through it and the other students seemed to have fun with it for the most part.

Tuesday, I spent the evening preparing for my Wednesday project, which was a debate on whether or not Casino gambling should be legal in Ohio. I had the negative side, so I had to argue against it. I hadn't had a whole lot of time to get ready so I stayed up until about 1AM.

Just as I was ready to go to bed, I realized that I LEFT MY JUMP DRIVE in the computer in my classroom at school on Monday night. YIKES- it only has all my pictures, all my coursework for the past two years, and all my divorce stuff on it. I was stressed out about it, but figured someone probably turned it in to the office. I waited until about 7AM and called a classmate who also works at the center. After several phone calls and emails and lots of freaking out, she found it on the podium in the classroom. What a relief! Not only did it have all my personal stuff on there, it also had an assignment for my Monday night class that I was going to have to do completely over if that thing didn't turn up. Thankfully it did!

On the way to the debate class this afternoon my friend Meekster called. She sounded like death on a cracker. She was SOOOO sick! She wanted to let me know becuase her son babysits P after school. She said he could still come, but I didn't want P to get sick and I figured she didn't need two 8 year olds running around when she didn't feel good. I called my good friend D and she saved the day, drove to P's school and signed him out. Both her sons and mine are close in age so D went and got N (ds#1) and took him back to her house, too.

Being so preoccupied with finding my jump drive didn't give me a lot of time this morning to prepare myself for the debate this afternoon I did manage to go over my notes and pull off a reasonable showing. I feel like it went well, but I always think of better things to say AFTER I'm done. I hate that.

I left that class on one campus and drove to my next class at the small "center" campus close to my house. My friend handed over my Jump drive and I was so happy to have it back in my hot little hands! Class was short (the Professor was not feeling well) and I was able to print off my assignment from the jump drive and get that turned in.

I was home by 9:30, pretty good for a school night. The boys were tired from playing with their friends, so they went to bed and settled down pretty quickly. I got to read a few blogs and post this GIANT post! S is working on some of her schoolwork, so I'll probably do the same before turning in. It's the end of the quarter, but with my training presentation and my debate finished, I feel like a lot of the hard part is over. I still have 1 project to turn in and then finals. I will be so glad to have a break when this quarter is done!

Motrin is not dope

Talking to S on her way to work this morning:

S: my back hurts

J: Did you take any motrin?

S: I can't take that stuff everyday. Why do you want to keep me doped up all the time?

S will never be an addict, lol, as long as she is worried about the addictive effects of ibuprofen!

"Passing" for straight

I feel like such an idiot.

I was at school working on a group project with my classmates. Our project is about communication apprehension. We were discussing questions to ask in the initial part of our presentation to make people feel apprehensive and understand what that's like.
One of the kids in the group said why don't we ask "Do you think homosexuality is wrong?" That was followed by a discussion of who in the class might be gay. I was extremely uncomfortable, as I am not out at school (other than to 1, maybe two professors). I felt awful for not speaking up. I am at a small branch campus, these are all students in my major whom I will have to work with and be in class with for the next year. From their conversations, I have determined that at least two of the three are from a fundamentalist background. Even if the college experience has opened their minds somewhat, I don't know how they would've reacted to me disclosing my sexuality to them.

One part of me says, it's none of their business, and I shouldn't feel bad for keeping my business private. The other part feels like I'm denying myself and hurting others for not showing my classmates that gay people are around them all the time and they don't even know it.


One of my professors, Dr. K, refers to our part of the country as "The Mississippi of the north" for it lack of tolerance and the pervasive influcence of the fundamentalist churches. I can't say she is wrong in her assessment. Having been a fundie myself, I know their ways. They do exert a powerful influence in the everyday culture here.

I just want to go to school and be able to be myself. I guess I still have more to learn about my own communication apprehension.

I think I brought up my average

P & I carved our first pumpkin. It was so much fun! I'm sure his teacher had fun helping a whole class of third graders clean out pumpkins. He brought it home and he got so excited when I suggested we carve it. He thinks I'm a rock star now!

Justice for PH*ELPs

Infamous purveyor of hate gets his due:

Let's hope that jury award puts a crimp in their travel budget.

Snyder's attorney told jurors to pick an amount "that says don't do this in Maryland again. Do not bring your circus of hate to Maryland again," according to The Associated Press.

S thinks she got knocked up!

I wish. She said she felt sick this morning and I teased her that we should have been more careful on our trip. Smile. She can't have any more babies anyway, and I'm too old. It's a fun thought though.

In school "A", in Motherhood, "F"

Things have been so crazy around here. I have spent most of my evenings "on the road", taking the kids to their activities, going to work and school. Most evenings we get home in time to wash up and go to bed. I have managed somehow to keep up in all my coures. I have all A's going into the final weeks of fall quarter.

I wish I could say I was doing as well in Motherhood! Today I barely escaped the shame of all shames- sending my son to school without his pumpkin! His teacher sent a note home last week that he needed a pumpkin today. I remembered yesterday while I was in a meeting with my classmates about a project, then promptly forgot until it was time to take him to school this morning. Fortunately for me, there is a house around the corner with pumpkins for sale in the front yard. I felt like such an idiot knocking on a stranger's door at 8:40 this morning to buy a pumpkin, but hey, P had his pumpkin and he even made it to school on time- disaster averted. I am looking forward to having a break between quarters so the kids and I can just chill out at home and not be going some place every night.

I miss S

S sent me this today. She hurt her back Thursday during a tennis lesson. I wish I was there. I love her smile.

Southern Travelogue

Yes, I have returned, VERY reluctantly to the cold confines of the Midwest. I much prefer the warm sunny climate of Savannah and welcoming arms of S. It was one of our best trips ever, even though it started out on a rough note.

I was scheduled to depart at 1pm local time via Sky*bus, a new low cost air carrier. They don't fly directly to Savannah, but they fly to St Augustine, Florida a short drive to the south. No problem, we thought. I was scheduled to arrive in St Augustine before 3, then we'd be home in Savannah by 6. Things didn't go exactly as planned. My flight was delayed. We were boarded, deplaned and boarded again. We didn't depart until 5:45pm, so I didn't make it to Florida until 7pm. It was 10:30 before we got to Savannah.

S greeted me at the airport with these beautiful flowers.



I had had a very trying day and she had been waiting for me for hours so she decided to pick these up for me, along with some very nice earrings. She also got a haircut, and shopped for my boys and her girls. Flight delays can be very costly, lol!

We drove back to Savannah to a very sweet place we found on Craigslist. It was a very cozy ground floor apartment in the historic district. We liked that it had a separate living area where we could study and watch TV. It also had a kitchen so we could cook for ourselves (although due to the flight delay we didn't end up using it too much)

Saturday we did a quick trip to Macy's for a couple of things we needed and then we just stayed in the apartment for the most part, napping and relaxing. I did venture out for a walk in the historic district while S did some reading. We had a wonderful lunch at The New South Cafe. Seriously people, if you go to Savannah, you must go to this place. It is AWESOME. We had the best meal of the whole trip. I had the catfish and S had salmon. Both were delicious beyond words, and our check was less than $25.00.

Saturday night we walked from our little hideaway to a restaurant in the historic district that S wanted to try. Unfortunately, we lacked the necessary reservations, so we ended up eating at the Jazz'd Tapas Bar . The food was good, but we both agreed that The New South was better. S said the best part of her meal was the she-crab stew. It would have helped if they had a band, but we were probably there too early for that. They did have the Georgia/Vanderbilt game on the tv in the bar when we came in (If you can call that a game, lol)

After we left the restaurant, we were very full and tired from all the walking earlier in the day, so we tried one of these. The driver kept saying he was having trouble because he had a "bad cab", but we thought it was more the fact that he probably weighed 100 pounds soaking wet and between S and I he was trying to move about 300 lbs. lol. After he got us a few blocks closer to our destination we gave him a reprieve and a generous tip.

After that, we walked the rest of the way home and spent the rest of our trip just having quiet time together (OK,some of it was not so quiet ; ). It's hard to be in a long distance relationship, and one of the hardest parts is not having those "regular" things to do and be if you're always in a hotel room, sight-seeing and eating out like you're on a "trip". This time we tried really hard to just have some of those everyday times that couples who actually share the same zip code probably take for granted. I have to give credit where it's due. It was all S's idea and it was a great one.

Thursday Rant ( You've been warned)

Well, it's been quite a day.
I should be excited and happy about seeing S tomorrow.
Instead, I'm frustrated and upset.
My ex refuses to acknowledge that he is not in charge any more.
His attorney sent a letter to my attorney about a child's basketball league.
Hello? We are already divorced, remember? What are the attorneys going to do about it other than charge us $200 an hour to write letters back and forth?
I asked him if he had money just laying around to throw away on that bs and he just mumbled something about his parental "rights" and how I'm severing the kids ties with the community becuase I don't want them to play in a basketball league this winter.
I forgot to pick up DD #1 at band practice. Completely. forgot. I don't see her very much at all (her choice) and I have been running like crazy all week trying to get caught up on school work and take care of projects and midterms. She called me as I was on the way home from my test, after a friend's Mom brought her to my apartment. She was not very happy. I took dinner home, then had to run another errand before I had to take her back to her Dads. She was in trouble with him, and usually when she's in trouble, she'll start on the "Mom doesn't love me" kick to divert attention from her own misbehavior. So after she "vented" to Dad, she called me to tell me that I treated her like dirt under my feet. I spent the next half hour on the phone setting her straight. The fact is, I have been giving her what she says she wants. I have allowed her to have her way, I haven't compelled her to spend time with the boys and I. So before, when I was making her go with us, she was mistreated, and now that I don't make her she's mistreated. I can't win.

I paid off all the attorneys this week- finally. I had hoped that would be the end of it, but since the ex still feels the need to write to his attorney about every little thing, I guess I may have to keep mine around. I told my attorney and the GAL that my ex would not "settle down" after the divorce was over, he would only get worse w/o the court looking over his shoulder. He is such a jerk.

I'm leaving town tomorrow. S and I are taking a weekend trip. Any more days like today and I might not come back!

I got hurt playing Wii

That's what I get for laughing at Zoe. She was lamenting the fact that the last time she played Wii, she messed up her back. I managed to mess up my neck and I wasn't even playing! I got this game system for the boys for Christmas, but ended up caving and giving it to them last night. They were playing with it, I was standing in the kitchen facing the counter, talking on the phone. DS #2 comes up behind me puts a hand on each shoulder and jumps on my back saying "Thank you, thank you , thank you!" He is normally pretty rambunctious but this was a little much even for him. It made me drop the phone and everything. I wasn't thanking him this morning when the pain in my neck woke me up before the alarm clock did. I don't think the chiropractor's office is even open today. Muscle relaxers, anyone?

"... it is easier to overcome people's judgments than to overcome our own self-judgment, the fear we internalize." -- Arianna Huffington in Newsweek.

She said this in an article about women and power. She said something else that struck a chord with me as well. She said that it was so important to her that her Mom believed in her and made her think anything was possible. She made her believe that she could shoot for the stars and that if she failed, her Mom would still love her and accept her for who she is/was. This strong influence of her Mother and encouragement even when others discouraged or disbelieved helped Ms. Huffington get where she is today. I don't know that much about her, but I think these sentiments are profound. I know the first quote is so true in my life. S has helped me to see that in a lot of circumstances in the past, the biggest obstacle to my success was me. I'm trying really hard to change that mindset in my life and make sure that ds#1 & 2 never have that damn doubting voice in their heads.

I'm so ashamed....

I would never pass for a computer nerd or a sci-fi or comic book nerd.
Awkward has always been my strong suit.

Pink ribbons, etc.

A post over at Sassy's, the Sunday paper, and events of the day have all combined to bring you this post.

No one ever likes to lose a parent, no disease is a "good" disease, we hate them all, most especially the ones that take our loved ones from us.

I found out after my Mother died of lung cancer, that it is the # 1 cancer killer of women. It far outpaces, breast, ovarian, colorectal combined. We fund research for breast cancer at the rate of around $22,000.00 per cancer death. That number for lung cancer is only $1700.00. $1700.00!!! What is worse is that the differences in how this disease affects men vs women are not understood or really even being studied. So many women who are stricken with lung cancer, like Dana Reeve, NEVER smoked.

According to Sunday's Parade magazine the five year survival rate for breast cancer victims is 89%. The five year survival rate for women with lung cancer is 16% . By the time we knew Mom was sick, it had already invaded her brain. I'm so glad that breast cancer has gotten so much attention and funding that they've been able to make such great strides. I hope that lung cancer will get the same treatment soon.

If you still have your parents, be glad, call them and tell them you love them.

Rest in Peace, GH

My day started this morning when my boss called and said not to come into work because a semi had knocked down the power lines around the office and they weren't letting anyone in. Cool! extra time to catch up on school work, or so I thought.

I had just hung up with my boss when my cousin's girlfriend called informing me that my cousin was near death. He had been in the hospital for a few weeks and in very poor health for some time. I had been to see him on Friday afternoon and actually spoke to him then. He wasn't awake/alert/aware too much after that day. He was extremely overweight and his body just gave out. He was a sweet, sweet man who had a lot of talent that I am sorry to say never got used to it's full potential.

If dealing with a death isn't enough, family things mean dealing with "family", who seemed to have a distinct preference for my ex over me. My Aunt ( the uber christian) who when told her son was dying and to call me and my sister to see about staying with one of us, called my sister and my ex instead. and MY sister, who invites MY children and my EX to family functions. (and doesn't invite me) I just went down there today for my cousin and my brother. My brother will probably tell them all where to go before it's all said and done.

On days like this, I wonder what I am doing here, 700 miles from S. I never ever want to wake up in a hospital bed looking at my "family". They are only there for you as long as you agree with them.

We might be crawling....

But S and I are back in the race. Slowly, deliberately, cautiously, with HOPE. Thanks to everyone who lent an ear and a shoulder to cry on.

A Shocking Experience (almost)

Well, as if having butch points in the negative numbers isn't bad enough, I had to go and have a hair raising experience this afternoon. I have been trying for months to get a dryer that some friends were going to let me "store" for them and use. I was finally able to get it- with the help of my friend Meekster and her hubby. We go get it and my friends put it in the truck for us. Two other friends drove over with the strap we needed to secure the dryer in the back of the truck for the 20 mile drive back to my house. Meekster and I drive back to my place and her Hubs meets us there and they carry it into my apartment. Of course, it has a three prong outlet on it and my outlet is 4-prong. I drive on down to Best Buy and pick up the right cord. I take it out of the package and I say to myself, I'm going to MAKE SURE this is the right cord before I put it on the dryer. So I bop on over to the outlet and plug it in.... it promptly sparked, tripped the breaker, and scared the crap out of me. I didn't even think about the other ends of the wires touching each other- they were all nicely wrapped in a little piece of saran wrap. Once I removed the melted saran wrap and wiped all the soot off, the cord was fine. Once I wrestled the other cord off, lost a screw inside the dryer, and finally got the new cord on, it only took me half the afternoon and a phone call to Mr. Meekster. I had to get in behind the dryer to hook up the vent, then climb over the back of the dryer to get out. But I can now WASH and DRY my clothes in the comfort of my own home. Woo who! THANK YOU M,J, J, M, MEEKSTER AND MR. MEEKSTER!

words to live by

believe what u know
inside 2 b true
follow ur gut
focus

--Rosie O'Donnell

Everyday things

GOOD THINGS:

A job that I like

An understanding boss that lets me adjust my schedule to take classes

My kids

A car that is paid for and still runs

Going to college

Short workday on Friday

BAD THINGS:

Finding the love of your life and losing her

Being alone in a crowd

ex husbands

legal fees

sleepless nights

3rd Grade homework (no offense to 3rd grade teachers : )

juggling childcare to go to school

Walls

Last night in class we had a field trip. We went to a meeting/training facility that is one of those kinda fun/quirky/ laid back places. No rows of plastic chairs, overstuffed furniture, bright colors, very relaxed.

One of the group activities they use a lot involves using Mr. Potato heads. The owner said they use it a lot to get people to let their hair down. Their whole philosphy at this center is about having fun, and emphasizing play, thinking out of the box, etc. He was emphasizing that when people relax, they are open to new ideas and new ways of thinking, etc. It was hard for me to be in there playing with Mr. Potato heads like I don't have anything else to think about with so much going on. This class is about training and the instructor is one of those high energy, enthusiastic types. That is so not me. I'm more your bespeckled librarian with my nose in a book.

How come I feel like I can't relax? I feel like I have walls all around me. I'm the only one on the inside.

Talked to S today. A few times, actually. It's really hard to shift my whole way of thinking about my life, but I'm trying. I miss having a dream to look forward to.

It's just me and ds#2 this week. The other two are with their Dad. I miss ds#1 when he's there. dd#1 is only with me a couple weekends a month. Unfortunately, with the way she acts/treats me, that seems to be all I can take of her right now.
DS#2 is finishing up his schoolwork ( he had extra since he missed school yesterday).
Third grade is a lot harder the second time around, lol

Monday

Today was different. Work has been very busy lately and on top of that, my youngest decided today that he was "sick" and needed to stay home from school. Since my boss was out of town I decided to take my son to work with me. I wasn't too sure that he was sick, but one of his little friends really had been sick, so I didn't want to send him and have him throwing up everywhere at school.

Shortly after we got to work, my suspicions were confirmed, definately NOT sick. He went bounding up the steps to my office. He picked up his book and climbed up in the chair and began reading. He did give the office the quick once over. He discoverd the typewriter and now thinks that is the greatest invention ever. He even said he wants a job where he "gets" to use a typewriter, lol.

After work I dropped my son off at the sitter's so I could go to class. I had emailed my professor saying I might be late because of a child care issue. She emailed back and said- bring him to class if you need to. I'm glad she is understanding because I may have to do that at some point before this quarter is over. I have childcare arranged for one evening and my ex said he would take his midweek on the other night. That lasted all of 2 weeks. Next week he wants his "midweek" on FRIDAY. Whatever. Friday is not one of my school nights.

Missed S today. A lot. cried in the car- I don't know if its the music on the radio, or just being alone and having a minute to sit and think. It's definately not a good thing. Just got to keep going I guess.

Marathon

What happens when you hit the wall? I'm not much of a runner, never ran more than a few miles at a time. I've heard the stories Marathon runners tell about hitting " the wall" at mile 21 or so. Your body wants to stop so badly, and sometimes it's only grit and mental toughness that wills you forward.

S and I have hit the wall. We've been apart since December of 2005, fighting, scratching, clawing to stay in the race. We've been "Taking Steps" on our journey. Some days were "downhill", some were flat, easy running. We've had a few hills, hell, we've climbed some mountains.

But now, our bodies fail us, our muscles ache, tremble, struggle to keep us upright and moving forward. It's hard to see the end from where we are, hard to know when the finish line will come. Without that incentive, our minds despair of making it through. I fear we've been forced off the course. I'm on the pavement, wrapped in a space blanket, to weak to stand, to tired to care that I'm laying in the street. Too much time, too many hard things, too much distance. So many days she picked me up and helped me keep going. So many times I was there cheering her on. Now I fear our paths must diverge. How many tries before we finish the race? I feel such a failure for giving up, yet I know I cannot go further.

Everything around me reminds me of her, of our hopes, dreams and plans for a life and a future together. I hate my life. I hate that I'm here and she's there.

S- you're a beautiful lady, you deserve the best. You deserve to have someone there with you every day loving you and making your life easier, not harder. For what it's worth, know that I understand that we both did the best we could.

S- I love you. You're free. Be happy.

And you are the love of my life
All the joy and tears that I cry
And baby baby baby
You don't have to say a word
I see it in your eyes

Syd, I think you missed your calling

I was browsing the news page yesterday and came across this story

http://www.alexfoundation.org/

Some woman bought an African Grey Parrot while she was in college and she spent the next 30 years getting paid to study "avian cognition". It said the bird could count to six, understood the concept of zero and had a vocabulary of 40 or so words.

Now I know, this bird was smart, but I'm sure his vocabulary isn't nearly as colorful as Pepe's.

Tell me people, where can I get a job like this? This woman found a pet she loved and turned it into a paying job. Do you think anybody will pay me to spout off useless facts about the Civil War, 70's TV trivia, or American politics? Maybe I should just develop an affinity for some type of laboratory animal....

The Week in Review

Things that annoyed me-

My ex. I guess I should just get used to it. It doesn't really matter what he does, I can pretty much count on him being annoying.

S and I had issues this week. The distance is making me crazy. We are both frustrated and tired of being apart. My divorce is over, but we still have a lot of things to get through before we can be together. We're waiting on her stbx to sign papers. We have career goals, personal goals, goals for our life together, and of course our children to consider. We are taking steps, every day. Some days it seems like we are so close, and other days it seems like we will never get there.


Things that went well-

I got a lot accomplished at work. I have been staying busy and it is a challenge to keep up with all the different things going on. Organization isn't really my strong point.

I made progress this week on my name change. I have officially taken back my birth name, and it's been a chore to change bank accounts, social security, insurance, school, etc.etc.

I started another quarter at school. I'm taking 16 hours again, which I found to be quite challenging last quarter. I'm hoping it will be easier this quarter, as 3 of the 4 course I took over the summer were short session courses, cramming 10-11 weeks of material into 5 weeks. This quarter I have the full 11 weeks for all the courses.

I talked to my older son about S. I wasn't really direct, but he is the kind of kid that doesnt really want to be hit over the head with stuff. I told him that I love S and that I want to live with her someday. I'm sure it doesn't really surprise him, considering we are constantly talking on the phone, and her picture is all over the place. He didn't really want to talk about it, and I didn't press him. He wasn't upset at all. I am so relieved. I had already talked to my younger son a week or so ago- he was ok with everything. I asked him if it would be ok if I married a "girl" and he said it was ok as long as she wasn't mean. lol.

Oh, mirror in the sky -What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin'...ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know.....I don't know

Well I've been afraid of changin'
because I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too....

So, take my love...take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
and if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills...
well the landslide will bring it down
The landslide will bring it down

FRUSTRATION!

My sweetie is 700 miles away.
She is frustrated, sad and tired.
I cannot fix it long distance.
Sundays suck.
I just want to be with S.
Is that too much to ask?
She has worked so hard.
She is working, attending school and
dealing with so many other things too.
She deserves all the sweet things in life.
I'm sick of her doing without.
Mostly I'm sick of not being there to help her
when it gets hard.

The week in review

THINGS THAT ANNOYED ME:

- getting a certified letter from by ex's employer addressed to MR J_____ L______.

- My DD calling me and saying she thinks the reason that I got divorced was because I am gay.

- Paying my old attorney 3k. Realizing I still owe her $5500. ( let's not even get started on the new attorney)

-

THINGS THAT MADE MY WEEK

-Seeing my scantily clad sweetie on web cam

-Checking by bank account online and finding an unexpected deposit. checking with the child support agency and finding out it was an arrearage.

-Faxing them the final decree to show that there is even more arrearage to pay!

-Having my ex grudgingly tell me about all the retirement assets he's transferring into my name.

-A week off from school!

-Getting my grades and finding myself on the Dean's List

- Staying home with DS#1 when he was sick. I didn't want him to feel bad- but it was wonderful hear him say he wanted me to stay home with him(especially after dd#1 stunt this week) He's 13 but he's still my boy.

-My sweetie giving her stbx the divorce papers!

A worthy cause

One of the last things I did summer quarter was a speech about girls as young as six years old being sold into slavery in Nepal. There's a great organization out there that is trying to do something about it- the Nepalese Youth Opportunity Foundation.

I really enjoyed my speech class. It's not that I'm that great at public speaking, I'm not. It was small, about 7-8 students. Very divergent group. I heard speeches on everything from vampires to banking to Mormonism. It made things interesting.

I took 3 short term courses this quarter- I wouldn't recommend it. It doesn't seem like you have a chance to settle into a routine before it's over. Time management is not one of my strengths, though, so maybe others would handle it better.

I'm up late with my third grader doing homework. My DS#1 is already in bed. He is going on a very cool school trip tomorrow. I have to have him at the airport at 5:15am. He is going on an "Arts" trip to Chicago. They are staying at a swanky downtown hotel, going to a baseball game, a dinner cruise, seeing blue man group, the Field Museum, etc. etc. Man, I wish I was going.

It's About Time

It is officially over.

I AM DIVORCED!!

FINALLY!

It only took 18 months and 40K, but hey, who's counting?

No time to celebrate, the quarter ends on Saturday and I still have assignments to turn in...

Interpersonal communication

I thought I'd share a little something from my school work with all (all 2) of you that drop by from time to time to read my ramblings. The discussion board assignment was about interpersonal conflict and how/if male/females respond or react differently. The second part asked if we thought that conflict was handled differently in same sex relationships vs. male-female relatonships. Here's what I wrote:


I don't think GLBT couples are any different from heterosexual couples. In my experience, the role each partner assumes is more a function of their personality than of their gender or some notion of what an appropriate gender role is. Our culture is very attached to these ideas about gender roles and I think it is just one more aspect of "mainstream" culture that GLBT people must endure. Questions and comments about which partner is "the man" can be annoying after a while. American culture is so hetero-normative that it doesn’t leave a lot of leeway for variety in gender roles. While many in this country think that's as it should be and how it has always been, you don't have to look very far into the past or to other cultures to see that most non-western cultures have recognized and embraced with understanding the fact that not everyone is heterosexual.

I think the same is true for most couples. Gay or straight, we are all fallible human beings. We unwittingly take with us into relationships those ideas and behaviors that are ingrained in us from a very young age. How we handle conflicts probably has more to do with how we saw our parents handle it than anything else. Those behaviors we hated in our parents often times find their way into our homes even after we swore we'd never say or act the way our parents did! While each relationship is different, we bring to it those ideas and behaviors with which we are familiar. Perhaps the difference between GLBT couples and heterosexual couples might be that we are more willing to view our partners on the basis of their strengths and abilities rather than on any preconceived notions about what a woman or a man “should” be. Another difference would be that most GLBT couples lack any generational continuity – I ‘m not sure that’s the right way to say it- but I mean we didn’t grow up in a GLBT home ourselves, for the most part, so we really are painting on a blank canvas in terms of how we want our family life to be. We don’t have the template of the past to work from as do couples who grew up in straight families and who are straight themselves.

new lyrics from joni mitchell

from Rosie's blog:


if

If you can keep your head
While all about you
People are losing theirs and blaming you
If you can trust yourself
When everybody doubts you
And make allowance for their doubting too.

If you can wait
And not get tired of waiting
And when lied about
Stand tall
Don’t deal in lies
And when hated
Don’t give in to hating back
Don’t need to look so good
Don’t need to talk too wise.

If you can dream
And not make dreams your master
If you can think
And not make intellect your game
If you can meet
With triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same

If you can force your heart
And nerve and sinew
To serve you
After all of them are gone
And so hold on
When there is nothing in you
Nothing but the will
That’s telling you to hold on!
Hold on!

If you can bear to hear
The truth you’ve spoken
Twisted and misconstrued
By some smug fool
Or watch your life’’s work
Torn apart and broken down
And still stoop to build again
With worn out tools.

If you can draw a crowd
And keep your virtue
Or walk with Kings
And keep the common touch
If neither enemies nor loving friends
Can hurt you
If everybody counts with you
But none too much.

If you can fill the journey
Of a minute
With sixty seconds worth of wonder and delight
Then
The Earth is yours
And Everything that’s in it
But more than that
I know
You’ll be alright
You’ll be alright.

Cause you’ve got the fight
You’ve got the insight
You’ve got the fight
You’ve got the insight

Great lyrics

"Chasing Cars"

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Today

Well, Today has been okay. I managed to get to a point with my schoolwork where I can say I'm not behind. I'm not really caught up, but I don't have any past due assignments, either.

Congrats to M & J, my friends who had a commitment ceremony on Saturday. It was on the deck of a cabin deep in the Hocking Hills of Ohio. The deck overlooked a beautiful ravine, and they stood there together and gave their lives to one another. My boys and I had the privilege to witness this event. Both the boys behaved and did not comment on the ceremony. They were more interested in the campfire and the food than in whatever the adults were up to.

I'm thankful to be back online at home, after 6 days last week without Internet. Now I don't have to sneak in my blog surfing at work, or take late night runs to my suburban campus 10 miles away to upload my assignments. The cops thought I was pretty scary until they came up and saw my laptop up and running and the two boys with me in the car!

My divorce is still. not. final. How long does it take a judge to write his name?

It's full speed ahead on my bachelor's program. I hope to be done and have my B.S. in Communications and Public Advocacy next fall. Who knows what's next? (Not me- if any of you guys know give me a heads up!) I'm kicking around the idea of graduate school, or law school, or just about anything else. I'm open to the possibilities, but aware too that I need to make sure that whatever I do improves my marketability and earning power. I'm off to a pretty late start, so I need to make the most of the rest of my working life.

S & I are doing okay. It has been a trying time for the two of us, to say the least. We aren't ready to give up yet, and are trying hard to find our way through these rough waters. She's my best friend now and always. I hope someday we will be living in the same zip code again.

Always will

So many dreams that flew away
So many words we didn't say
Two people lost in a storm
Where did we go?
Where'd we go?

We lost what we both had found
You know we let each other down
But then most of all
I Do Love You
Still!

My Usual Result

ISFJ -


"ISFJs are traditional, loyal, quiet and kind. They are very sensitive to other people's needs because they are very observant. They have rich inner thoughts and emotions. They value stability and cultural norms. They are very adept at giving attention to detail. They do not seek positions of authority."

This is normally the result when I take this test. I think it is more accurate. I think where I skewed things was on the questions that talked about whether you focus on the here and now or on the future. In my current situation I tend to be more forward thinking because I know where I want to be in the future more than I know where I am right now. I tend to focus more on that than on trying to figure out what is happening right now in the present.

I have had a hard week. I know S talked about our hard day yesterday. I lost Internet last Saturday and didn't get it back until Thursday. That was awful. It put me behind in my schoolwork, I couldn't check my bank accounts or pay bills, and find information, or get my daily blog fix. Worst of all was a couple of those days, S was at home alone and I would've enjoyed seeing her sweet face on my web cam. I love watching her fall asleep. We do that quite often on the phone but it is so sweet to see her laying there. Her life if very trying right now with all the divorce stuff, so I feel like I missed a big opportunity to put my ISFJ skills to use and make her feel better/safer/more loved.

I made S cry yesterday. That is the most awful feeling. I love her so much, and the thing I want most is to make her feel safe and happy. Her stbx is being sneaky and that makes me nervous. She still instinctively wants to trust him. She is not as guarded as she needs to be with him. It would be nice to be able to trust him, but I have learned the hard way that men in divorce situations, particularly in terms of parting with money,(that they perceive to be THEIRS, not a marital asset) CANNOT be trusted.

I'm going to a commitment ceremony today. I'll be taking the boys and I'm a little nervous about what they will think about it. They were very matter of fact when I told them where we were going. I hope it will be a routine part of their lives to be comfortable around and welcoming to all kinds of people.

Artist? Creator?

"...easily disturbed, fears drawing attention to self, prone to confusion, private..."
- Jung Type Descriptions (ISFP) (similarminds.com)

The Sunny South

What a trip we had!

It started out in Jacksonville. I flew in there Friday evening. S had to work, so she wasn't planning on coming down. She decided she couldn't wait so she drove down after work and got there about 11pm.

On Saturday, we drove up to Savannah and took care of some business matters for S. I LOVE Savannah. What a beautiful city! Palm trees, marshes, the moss on the trees, all those squares downtown. If you haven't been to Savannah, you should go and see for yourself.

Saturday afternoon we drove up to Atlanta. I had a couple free motel nights, so we stayed in a hotel in an office park in northeast Atlanta. S is from Atlanta, and she showed me the city, some of the places she lived and worked, and some of the "touristy" places too. Atlanta is really different, much larger and lots more traffic than I am used to. It wasn't the traffic so much as going 80+ mph in heavy traffic that was a little nerve wracking! We walked in Centennial Olympic Park, spent time in Midtown, toured the CNN studios and rode MARTA all around the city.

The next day, we left our hotel and drove out to Stone Mountain. It is a beautiful sight. We had fun riding around the mountain on the train and learning about how the figures 12 stories high were carved into the mountain.

After we left Stone Mountain, S took me back downtown and we stayed at a beautiful historic hotel . Initially they gave us a big cave-like room that S didn't really care for. She called the desk and they switched us to a beautiful suite with a nice cozy bedroom. It had a terrace and we loved leaving the door open and hearing the sounds of the city and looking out across the city lights that night.

It was great to spend time with S. The storms and complications of our lives didn't take a break, so mixed with the joy and laughter was some drama and tears. What would life be like if every day were smooth sailing? I'll take a storm with S by my side over calm waters any day.

Thirteen Things about Yankeegirl1. This is my first Thursday Thirteen. 2. I am almost done with my short term classes. Yay! I'm a communications major at the local branch of Ohio University. 3. My research class studied Participant Observation. Our group studied an online dating service. Yikes it was wild! I'm so glad I'm not "dating" anymore!(especially not men, lol) 4. Another group studied "tattoo culture". When they gave their presentation, one of the group members actually got a tattoo right there in the classroom. 5. The professor got yelled at for letting them give a tattoo in class. She gave as good as she got. (Go Dr. K!) 6. One of the other groups studied "Gay culture". Earlier in the quarter I heard these girls talking and they were pretty insensitive. Yesterday they gave a pretty impressive presentation. What do you know, they learned something in college! 7. My others classes are going well also. One is about interpersonal communication, and it's a little too touchy feely for me right now. 8. My kids are on vacation with their Dad. I really miss them. 9. They tried to go to Colorado the same day as Trop. They had airline employee passes and only made it as far as Chicago. The spent 12 hours at Midway airport before being put up in a dive motel for the night. The next day they called me from Florida. 10. I have a final exam and a paper due tomorrow. I should be working on those things now. 11. Work is going really well. I'm very busy and I'm learning lots of new things. 12. My boss has been out of town a lot and it has been fun to just handle things myself. 13. Did I say I'm so excited to see my sweetie? I'm going to see her tomorrow! I can't wait! I've got to go get my work done so I'll be ready to go. Have a great weekend everybody!

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I'm a very lucky woman

If you doubt it, see the previous post.

A Hard Day

I just wanted to write to you on your blog knowing that you would find my words and smile at my mischief. You need a smile today and I am glad to give you one, my love. I am sorry that you cried today. Sometimes the pressure of the divorce and the kids and school get to you and make you feel overwhelmed. I love you for the longing you feel for me and the days that it takes all you have not to come to me. I know that it is hard to stay away sometimes but you are doing the right thing. Today it is hard for me too. I will see you in five days.
Do you want this pic of me here? Take it off if you do not.
I love you,
S

Shamelessly stolen from Trop

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

Glad that's over

Well, I went to the shower. It was OK.
I smiled and conversed with former friends and with family members who don't normally want to give me the time of day. Some seemed genuinely happy to see me, others, well, not so much. I survived and I got to see my niece. I gave her a big hug and wished her well.
I waffled on inquiries about whether I was going to the wedding or not.
I didn't go. I took my boys on a weekend trip instead. Their sister left my house early so she could go with her dad to my nieces wedding. I told her that her "sentence" of spending time with me was over. She seemed happy about that. I hope someday she comes around. I'm not going to ruin the time I have with my boys waiting for that time to come. I love her with all my heart and I missed having her with us on the trip.

One of my dilemmas

My niece is getting married. My sister isn't really having anything to do with me since I moved out and made some changes last year. To the point that when my nephew graduated in June, my stbx and the kids were invited to his party, but not me.

Yesterday my sister called my cell phone. I ignored the called but she left a voice message inviting my daughter and I to a last minute shower for my niece and to see if we were going to the wedding.

I love my niece, and she did invite me, but I so do not want to go to this event. She is marrying a man from England and moving there so if I don't go, I won't see her again for 12-18 months. I have all of my kids this week and if I don't take them somewhere this weekend, I won't have a chance to take them due to all the other summer commitments they have with their dad, band camp, scout camp, etc.

My sister's family are fundamentalist christians, and it seems like to them(mostly her) there is no worse sin than to be gay. I hate the thought of going. I hate the judgment in my sisters voice. I hate the way the kids don't hug me anymore like I have some kind of contagious disease.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Rough waters ahead

Be careful out there.

So sing already!

They say it isn't over till the fat lady sings- So sing already!
This divorce needs to be done. now.
That is all.

A Quote

"Any force that tries to make you feel shame for being who you are, and loving who you love, is a form of tyranny over your mind. And it must be rejected, resisted and defeated."

Anybody want to venture a guess as to who said it? I'll give hints if necessary.

MEME

I know I'm late to this party- but at least it's a post! As seen previously at Trop's, Sassy's and Caroline's, just to name a few:


WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My Mom's sister, Jean, and my Dad, whose middle name was Eugene

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No, it's very sloppy

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Honey ham

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 3

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I hope so, but I'm really pretty boring

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? yes, sometimes too much

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Had them out at age 23 ( I would NOT reccomend it)

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Not

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Frosted mini wheats

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Usually

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Cookies & Cream

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their teeth.

RED OR PINK? I love aqua and red together

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I'm too passive

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My Mom

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Khaki capris and brown sandals

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? yellow

FAVORITE SMELLS? My Sweetie, ditto Sassy on the seashore

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My ex, ugh.

HAIR COLOR? Reddish brown w/ just a little gray

EYE COLOR? Brown

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes

FAVORITE FOOD? Italian or Mexican

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings. I do not do scary movies at.all.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Bridge on the River Kwai with my 8 yo son. (He and I both love history)

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Grey t-shirt

SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer definately

HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses

FAVORITE DESSERT? Barely baked, fresh from the oven chocolate chip cookies

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Anthropology, Business Law, and Social Psych for school

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Reba reruns

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SOUND? My sweetie's laugh.

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles

WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME. California

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Not really

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE STRONG? After the last 14 months, Yes, but not as strong as I'd like to be. I'd like to have more "emotional toughness" and ability to think on my feet

A few things you don't want to hear ( and a few you do)

From the court reporter taking your divorce deposition: "This is the most interesting deposition I've ever taken." Thankfully she didn't say this to my face or I'd have had to mess her up. She told my lawyer later.

From your stbx:" I could put 3 or 4 things (pieces of information) out there and ruin you" Yeah, spyware is a be-yotch.

From your new boss: "Your husband's attorney just called me" Day 3 on my new job. Nice.

From your attorney after a whole day of negotiation: "We have twenty minutes to write this down (the whole custody arrangement) or the judge is leaving"

From your attorney after your divorce case is settled: "Sorry" (see above)

From the financial aid office at your new school: " You filed as married? who told you to do that?" (THEY DID!!!)

From your youngest son's teacher: "Your son accidently threw away his retainer at lunch today" (he'd only had it for 6 days)

Those are a few of the recent happenings in my world, Thankfully, there have been a few things I did want to hear as well, or I might not be sitting here. Things like:

From my sweetie: "I love you", "I'm so proud of you", "I can't wait to see you", "Hello wife"

From my oldest son: "Kinko that" translation : "I love you". He's too cool or too shy to say the actual words, so I always get "ditto" or "Kinko that" when I tell him I love him.

From my youngest: "Sit next to me, Mom", "When do I get to go to your house?", " Awww Do I have to go to Dad's?" I know this probably sounds awful, but after what they've been through and the trials I've had with the oldest, it's music to my ears that at least one of them still wants to be with me.

What things do you like to hear or not hear?

Mixed Bag

A wonderful visit this weekend. Wonderful memories, tempered by moments of drama. My ex having a fit. My dd trying to extort money from my sweetie. My sweetie spending over an hour on the phone with the ex. Those three episodes alone will keep me busy with my therapist for months.
It was wonderful to have my sweetie for 4 whole days! It has been so long since we've had that much time together. It was different, and it was the best 4 days I've had in long, long time. I was hoping it would be the first of many such visits- but my sweetie isn't sure she can handle the drama that comes with visits here. Sigh. Another twist in the road. When will I be able to go home?

Success!!

Well, I did it. Another big step on my journey. I have a new job! Yesterday was my first day and it was great. I went in there and had a great day. I was confident. I was capable. The best part of all was, this job came looking for me. I was looking like crazy and this man found my resume on Monster.com and called ME. Thanks to everyone for your encouragement.

Another former thumper.....

You know the Bible 100%!

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

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Crossing my fingers......

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