Interpersonal communication

I thought I'd share a little something from my school work with all (all 2) of you that drop by from time to time to read my ramblings. The discussion board assignment was about interpersonal conflict and how/if male/females respond or react differently. The second part asked if we thought that conflict was handled differently in same sex relationships vs. male-female relatonships. Here's what I wrote:


I don't think GLBT couples are any different from heterosexual couples. In my experience, the role each partner assumes is more a function of their personality than of their gender or some notion of what an appropriate gender role is. Our culture is very attached to these ideas about gender roles and I think it is just one more aspect of "mainstream" culture that GLBT people must endure. Questions and comments about which partner is "the man" can be annoying after a while. American culture is so hetero-normative that it doesn’t leave a lot of leeway for variety in gender roles. While many in this country think that's as it should be and how it has always been, you don't have to look very far into the past or to other cultures to see that most non-western cultures have recognized and embraced with understanding the fact that not everyone is heterosexual.

I think the same is true for most couples. Gay or straight, we are all fallible human beings. We unwittingly take with us into relationships those ideas and behaviors that are ingrained in us from a very young age. How we handle conflicts probably has more to do with how we saw our parents handle it than anything else. Those behaviors we hated in our parents often times find their way into our homes even after we swore we'd never say or act the way our parents did! While each relationship is different, we bring to it those ideas and behaviors with which we are familiar. Perhaps the difference between GLBT couples and heterosexual couples might be that we are more willing to view our partners on the basis of their strengths and abilities rather than on any preconceived notions about what a woman or a man “should” be. Another difference would be that most GLBT couples lack any generational continuity – I ‘m not sure that’s the right way to say it- but I mean we didn’t grow up in a GLBT home ourselves, for the most part, so we really are painting on a blank canvas in terms of how we want our family life to be. We don’t have the template of the past to work from as do couples who grew up in straight families and who are straight themselves.